Anybody want to be a head coach in the National Football League?

If you do the NFL had seven openings as of Jan. 3, but some of them are not what you would call inductive to a coach's mental and physical health or his longevity.

Several of the working environments and late season climatic conditions some of the teams have to face also leave a lot to be desired.

If you're interested, here is what you have to choose from.

In Detroit, Steve Mariucci was the first to go when he got fired before the season ended and the Lions finished with a 5-11 record, and on Dec. 31, Dick Vermeil announced his retirement from the head job at Kansas City after a 10-6 season.

Of those two, I'd opt for the job with the Chiefs.

Although I'm a Michigan native, the Kansas City winters are a little more temperate, they have better steaks and as a coach I wouldn't have to put up with that fool Matt Millen, the Lions' general manager.

On Jan. 1, Mike Tice was fired from his job at Minnesota (9-7), which shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone considering what happened to the Vikings both on and off the field this year.

The Vikings have a lot of talent on their roster, but somebody has to take control of the team and put an end to the nonsense that began last season with Randy Moss shooting his mouth off and continued this year with a bunch of players getting themselves jammed up in an incident reportedly involving wine, women and watercraft.

Tice's name was bandied about on the NFL Today before Sunday's wild card game as maybe being the first of the unemployed to be hired by some other team.

You've got to be kidding!

He's just the kind of guy I'd want if I was a NFL general manager - a character who was caught scalping Super Bowl tickets last year and has trouble controlling his players.

What, are the Portland Trail Blazers suddenly looking for another head coach?

Then on Monday, Jan. 2, Dom Capers got the ax in Houston after three miserable seasons and a 2-14 record this year, Mike Martz was canned in St. Louis (6-10); again, not any surprise due to the Rams' record and Martz's health problems, and Mike Sherman was let go in Green Bay where Packers' fans won't put up with too many 4-12 finishes.

Also the New Orleans Saints (3-13), announced they had bought out the final year of head coach Jim Haslett's contract.

As far as these four coaches and their credentials are concerned, by now you'd think Capers would have figured out he isn't NFL material. How many stops did he make before the Texans took him on?

Sherman, even with free agents leaving the team and all the injuries the Packers suffered, got outcoached in several games and it appeared he'd simply run out of new and innovative ideas.

The New Orleans Saints have major problems. Not only do they have to replace the head coach with someone who can develop a winner, they also have to figure out a venue to call their home field should they opt to remain in the Mardi Gras City.

My guess is they'll end up in Texas playing at San Antonio.

Whoever they select to replace Martz will have a task ahead of him, particularly in a town like St. Louis, where fans have become accustomed to winning. In my opinion is Martz should consider health and his family first before thinking about pro football.

The only person I know who thinks the Rams are going to return to their former glory any time soon is our former intern Cody Nielsen.

Finally on Jan. 3, Mr. Warmth and Personality, Al Davis, gave Norv Turner his walking papers at Oakland (4-12).

Turner is another one of the transient coaches who've made a stop in Oakland over the past several years.

Here's a suggestion. I vote for Howie Long to take over the Raiders' general manager's duties. Maybe he could get things straightened out.

Already former assistant coach Herman Edwards has been hired in Kansas City and Brad Childress is the new guy in Minnesota.

Speculation continues on who will be filling the other five slots.

Heck, you can even put money down with the Las Vegas bookmakers, the Caribbean Queen, or online at WagerWeb.com to waste your hard-earned cash betting on who is going to be the next guy on the hot seat in which particular city.

That's sort of a sucker's bet and guaranteed to get you in trouble should the little woman ever find out. Kinda like a guy who is dumb enough to accept the head coaching job at a couple of franchises in the NFL.

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