On My Side Of The Plate

If the folks in rural America don't have enough things to worry about these days with the declining economy and the continual threat of getting our taxes bumped up again, now we have to deal with the proverbial "guilt trip" being laid upon us.

If you haven't noticed the latest scheme, which was undoubtedly hatched in the minds of some Manhattan advertising agency who is probably working in cahoots with the Environmentalist Tree-Hugging and Clean Air Society, a group has come up with a plan to try to make every person who drives an SUV or a pickup truck feel guilty.

I'm speaking about the latest television commercial asking what would Jesus drive in an effort to make everyone who owns a so-called "gas-guzzling" vehicle get rid of it and drive a smaller, more economical car.

The reason for dumping the gas-guzzlers in the new advertising campaign is never fully explained, but I would surmise it would have something to do in reducing air pollution, (which is a topic dear to the heart of every red-blooded environmentalist), and also cutting down on gasoline consumption nationwide.

Like "gas-guzzling" cars are something new to the fabric of American society.

Back in the 1960s, there wasn't anything to compare with the fuel that was sipped by the big Ford and Buick station wagons. Talk about tanks on the tarmac!

Today, those types of vehicles have been replaced on our roads by extended mini vans which are still as big as a box car and show a surprising propensity for rolling over, while continuing to drink gasoline at an alarming rate.

Still, don't you think that it might be just a little bit sinful using the name of Jesus along with a picture of Him kneeling in prayer as part of an advertising campaign?

Can you imaging the furor it would cause if someone took out advertising for a place called The Jesus Restaurant? Or maybe Jehovah's Laundromat or The Yahweh Bar and Grill.

Something like that would almost make a person want to become a Buddhist and I can just about guarantee that the owner of one of those establishments would probably be in line for a one-way ticket straight to hell.

Grant County has to be one of the more God and Country counties in the nation, and now certain "outsiders" are trying to make the people here feel guilty about what they choose to drive.

Shoot, a pickup truck in Grant County is almost a necessity. Just like having a rifle rack in the back window and a dog in the bed.

Unlike other parts of the country, it's the nature of our local community for a person to be the proud owner of a pickup or an SUV.

I'd like to see someone behind the wheel of an Echo try to bush-whack in the backcountry up Murderers Creek during hunting season.

Depending on the ground-clearance, they might have a chance of making it in the latest Japanese contribution to the American "small car" market, but I doubt it.

Face it, if you've got an SUV or a pickup fitted with "mud busters" you can go almost anywhere.

There was a time when Ron Roberts, Mike "Mokie" Wright and yours truly took a 1953 Chevrolet sedan to the top of the Gold Creek Lookout out of Bonner, Montana, on a hunting trip. But Ronnie was about two cans short of a six pack and all of us were college students, so I guess certain forms of outlandish behavior could be excused.

Then too, how much firewood can a person haul in the back of a Ford Focus? And just try to tie an elk or a big mule deer on top of one of those little tin cans with engines that sound like someone turned on a sewing machine and see how far you get - in addition to looking stupid.

Speaking from experience from another time during my college days regarding hunting and small cars. Three of my fraternity brothers and I went out on a hunting trip and ended up shooting a couple of fairly large mule deer on our after-class safari.

Unfortunately for us, we had one of the brother's Volkswagens that day and driving back to town was a memorable experience.

There was no way we could put the carcasses on the roof as they hung over too far and you couldn't see out the windshield, so we ended up with one carcass draped across the trunk and tied to the door handles and the other tied in a similar fashion and slung across the back of the "Bug."

Of course we forgot that the door handles were tied, so the four mighty hunters had to crawl through the side windows to get in the car which resembled motorized deer going down the highway.

Another college "prank" not soon to be forgotten.

The price of gasoline now-a-days is also of concern, and it does give folks something else to gripe about. But when you get right down to the bottom line, if a person wants to go somewhere, they fill up the tank and take off, high prices or no.

Safety on the roads is something else that needs to be factored into the equation as well when talking about small cars.

Ask yourself, if some fool happens to run into your vehicle which would you rather be in - a Dodge Ram pickup or a Spectra?

The choice is yours.

What would Jesus drive? You got me.

I guess it would depend on whether He was an elk hunter or not.

Anyone with comments about "On My Side of the Plate" can contact Tim Adams by calling 575-0710 or by e-mail at tim@bluemountaineagle.com.

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